During my early journey with gender dysphoria, I fought and pushed back against the internal strain and anxiety. I fasted and prayed throughout my early years to understand and even try to rid myself of the turmoil. Only on reflection do I now understand the presence of the refiner’s fire and the meaning of waiting on the Lord. Through the experience, there were moments of being touched, almost like a hand being placed on my shoulder. I read through scripture and served a mission. Every chance I could, I looked to find myself in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I knew I was there, but I failed to see the greater picture.
It wasn’t until a moment of crisis and formally transitioning in 2022 that I started to recognize the influence of a loving God. I started to really see scripture and found myself walking the same paths of the Savior and seeing the individuals He touched. I got to ask myself “what lack I yet?” (Matt 19:20) My response was to give up my fears and anxieties and continue to follow Him. He became my anchor and guide.
About 9000BC kites were invented in Asia. There is no exact date or time, but there are cave drawing with depictions of kites from the era. It must have been incredible to see for the first time a piece of fabric attached to a string soar through the air. Closing my eyes, I wonder what it would be like to fly through the clouds and feel the wind carry me higher. One of the most important parts of the kite is the tail. Without the tail, the kite is unbalanced and difficult to control. It literally serves as an anchor to allow the kite to achieve it’s great heights.
The analogy helped me understand, what seemingly, are contradictory scriptures. Nephi describes, “Adam fell that men might be, and men are that they might have joy.” (2 Nephi 2:25) It’s counterpart is in Ether 12, “And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble.”
How could I achieve joy and soar with the weights of weakness that pull me down? The answer came by giving up what the young man with great riches couldn’t. I turned my heart to the Savior and allowed the Atonement to make up the difference. I found my anchor and my kite tail in Jesus Christ. All of a sudden, I found myself in scripture and one of my particular favorites is Christ healing the blind man.
“And his disciples asked him, Who did sin, this man, or his parents, that he was born blind? Jesus answered, neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents; but that the works of God should be made manifest in him.” (John 9:2)
We are born with the weaknesses of mortality by no fault of our own. We find ourselves by learning to love our neighbor and building a relationship with the Savior Jesus Christ at which point those weak things become strong. (Ether 12:27)